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Saturday, 17 November 2012

Pampering at the Parlour?

Social convention dictates that every girl will like going to the hairdressers, that they find it a treat, a luxury, something that they look forward to. For me, it is something which I dread, something which I don't look forward to; I would rather visit the dentist (some people's nightmare!) than go to the hairdressers!

The reason I hate visiting the hairdresser so much, is because every time I go, it always ends up going the same way. I feel I would have more fun tackling a flying hippopotamus than sitting that "swivelley"chair with that "plastic cloak" suffocating your comfort-ablity. 

Whenever I decide to go get my hair cut, I am always such the optimistic gorilla.

So, I always enthusiastically choose where I want to go this time (as it may be better than the place I went to last time... but it never is!). And within the first few footsteps in the salon, I feel nervous- I am filled with looks of judgement from everybody in there and it is not a place I would call my Wonderland!

I never know what style to go for, I always just want my hair trimmed (that's all!). But then I am dunked with a bucketful of questions from the hairdresser: "What side do you wear your fringe?... Do you want it choppy?... Do you want this treatment?..." And my answer to it all is "I DON'T KNOW! Just trim it!"

Then, there is the uncomfortable factor of small talk once you are in the chair. Usually, hairdressers are supposed to come up with it for themselves, but the ones I have been to have been so awkward and have been able to make a lion's den worse for me! 

What I always do though, is stipulate exactly how much I want off. Apparently, hairdressers' rulers aren't the same measurement as the rest of the universe! 1 inch to them is 3 inches to everyone else! This is why, I have resorted to showing them with my fingers how much I want off, because measurements just don't work! And then after all these questions and hard work of  explaining, I sit vulnerably in the Chair of Distress.

And. So. Many. Demands. From these hairdressers! "Head Down. Look right. Sit still. Get me some coffee!" (Okay, so I made the "Get me some coffee" up, but they might as well ask for it with all their demands!) 

Most of the time, I couldn't look worse than after I've been to the hairdresser. I hate the way they've done it. It's too short. They blow-dried and straightened it into the smithereen it is and now I have to go out into public with this newly-done disaster! It cost a fortune and all I want is some milk and cookies to cheer me up!

Then comes the horrible part. They bring out that nasty small mirror (To confirm your hatred of your new hair) but you have to convince them that you love it and are so happy with it and the tears in your eyes are from happiness! But what you really want to do is put a hoodie on so you don't have to deal with your new hair cut and go home!

Things don't get better when you get home. You go up to the closest mirror there is, just to check if it is as short as your remembered and styled in the completely wrong way. And everyone you talk to tries to convince you that it isn't that bad but through the mirror it starts to look worse and worse and worse until you start to over-react and think that your hair has turned into green slime of misery forever.... and this is only 5 minutes within the time you get back from the salon!

After all of this. You continue to look in the mirror on a daily basis for a few days, until one day you stare at your new hair-do and decide that actually it isn't that bad... You can live with it! 

And then you leave it to grow out until... The Next Dreaded Appointment!

(NOTE: A small amount of hairdressers think and act like this.)

Thursday, 15 November 2012

Modern World Techno Hates (Part 3)

I have decided to make 'Modern World Techno Hates' a trilogy. This will therefore be my last post in the series.

I was thinking about what I could possibly write about in my hatings of technology... There are just so many! And as I was thinking about it, my laptop had a spasm of memory overload and wouldn't do what I was telling it to! My next choice of techno-hate was clearly evident from this episode.

I am no fan of the superstar known as laptops... and I don't think laptops are a fan of me! I was astounded by the "portable computing devices known as 'laptops'" when they first came out, however I have now had my fair share of them and I am not impressed!

They are heated masses of technological failure- in my opinion. Flimsy with hinges of pretension. Nothing beats a desktop. They are indestructible, modern bricks of data.... I would happily build my technological PC house with them!

A year ago, I was using Skype with my 5 month old laptop. Heavily interested in my conversation, I decided that I would pleasure in a cup of tea. I went into the kitchen- carrying my laptop- and placed it down on the stove which was turned off. It was a surface stove so when it was off, it was like a table (a reason as to why I foolishly put a laptop on a stove). I wanted to get the perfect angle so I could continue with my conversation, only the back of the laptop pushed one of the dials on! My laptop was now cooking on the stove- without my consent! Within a minute, I smelt an aroma from the kitchen which was not luscious lemon-drizzle cake or tantalizing turkey but odorous plastic-melt!

The surface of my laptop was melting to a sticky sauce and without thinking, I saved it's life! I took it off just in time that it was still working, but would have damages for life! It would stand at a limp forever.

I bought mouse-pads (an accessory for my beloved desktop) and stuck it with adhesives at the bottom of my sickly laptop so that it had a crutch and was level on my desk. And this is the story of how I scarred my laptop with a foolish act, I could never do this with a desktop... The heaviness of the machine serves as a benefit to my stupidity, apparently!

I now use another, new laptop, however I have already broken the clips which hold the battery in. The laptop is shaking with nervousness, waiting for my next brainless act.

This is the reason why I hate laptops, it isn't their fault, but I will forever blame their slimline, light build!

'MEL! MEL! MEL!'... (Just desktops calling my name!)

Saturday, 10 November 2012

Modern World Techno Hates (Part 2)

I've been living my life since my last blog post and I thought the next 'Modern World Techno Hate' was quite obvious. I've been hating on it since I finished my last blog post. The second blog of the techno-hating series is about: Microwaves!!!

To some people microwaves may not seem like modern technology, but it totally is! I classify anything that cavemen didn't have as 'modern'- microwaves are like a spinning-heated, rum drum noised, carousel of modern-atty. 

My first problem with microwaves is their noise. It's a constant buzz of annoy-ity. Microwaves have been around for many, many years... Are you telling me that they haven't invented a silent one yet? Sometimes food takes a while in the microwave and for all that time there is a constant kitchen bee, buzzing around you the entire time!

Another problem, is that I don't think microwaves understand what you actually want heated up. I swear that every time I put a bowl of food in there to be heated up, the bowl comes out freaking hot and the food is still ice cold! How is that even possible? I'm sure that defies the actual reason as to why the microwave was invented in the first place!

Also, I see it as a ticking time bomb of kitchen explosion. It is so easy to turn a microwave on, and I think if nothing is in there, it explodes? Or does something like that. That is intense business. Or if you put anything metal in there, it just catches a light! It can't be that easy to burn your whole house down? I thought there would be a safer microwave made by now. All this does, is train people to be nervous-wrecks of fear and anxiety in their own house of captivity! This does not make for a welcoming environment at home!

And this is why I am hating on my microwave!

Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... The noise of anxious-venom in your kitchen awaits!

Thursday, 8 November 2012

Modern World Techno Hates (Part 1)

I have decided to start a series of modern Earth technology.... uncontrollably fascinating,  I know! There is a lot to love about modern technology... and even more to hate about modern technology! So, let the hating fest of fire begin!

I bet you are wondering  , what will set this series off? I have been thinking, wondering and pondering about it and I have thought about which one of my possessions I want to throw against the wall most. And the answer is...


Years and years ago, we had these nifty Nokias that just called people! And if you were really fancy, you had the game- Snake on it! Now, you not only have like 5000 rubbish games on phones, but they do everything! Soon, I won't have to go to the toilet because there will be an app for it!!!

Every 5 seconds, I get a new notification from Facebook, or Twitter, or Whatsapp, or an Email or an Email from my second email address or my phone apparently just wants to say hello to me. But it never stops.

I am in a relationship. It is not a good one. It is long-term. It is needy. It is one that I can't end. And it is one with my phone.

Modern society dictates that you have to own and use a phone. But they have just gotten ridiculous. I don't want my phone acting like a ticking time bomb, waiting for my next notification. It connects you to so many people, yet disconnects you from most relationships.

I love to hate my phone! Take it away from me... and see how I die! But I will never be happy with it and it's constant nagging of notifications.

Ring, Ring... Ring, Ring.... "It's for you... ANOTHER NOTIFICATION! "

Sunday, 14 October 2012

Boredem turns to Artistic Magnificence!

I was sitting in a class, but it was so boring like 'rip your eyes out so you just have something to do' boring. So, I started doodling and I actually created a whole montage of doodles, but there was one that I was particularly proud of that I decided to post for everyone to see!

Guess who this is! Yes, it is very inaccurate but that just makes me love my doodle even more!

I feel like making this doodle my pet, it's very cute!

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

Introducing me to Mr.Geee-tarrrr

So, This is me.

This is a guitar... (sort of)

This is me trying to play the guitar.

I have started learning how to play the guitar. It is a lot of fun, I have gotten no where yet but I aim to improve as much as I can so that I can play cool songs and stuff.

At the moment, I can't strum, I can't play any songs and I'm pretty sure everything I do is impeccably incorrect.

But the one thing that I can not understand at all, is chords! It's ridiculous! I've been following books and such, but I think that to be a guitarist you need massive hands or explosively long fingers!

This is apparently a C-chord? But in real life... this is impossible!!!! My fingers only stretch so far, I can't rip them into strips just to get them on the right places on a guitar!!! I mean... C'mon!

 My hands look like this, a proportionate finger length for my palm size, however I don't think this is going to help me become a guitar rockstar, if I can't reach the chords! And I'm pretty sure that the C-chord isn't even that bad in the guitar world but I haven't even learnt enough chords to give a better example, so C it is!

I want hands like this....

It will solve all of my guitar-related problems. Won't have a problem reaching any strings or frets with these babies!!!!

So now you know! You know that I won't be a rockstar anytime soon, or even decently good at playing the guitar anytime soon!

Rockstar dream- SLASHED!!!!!

Thursday, 23 August 2012

Drowning in Unreality...

Okay, so I watch movies like anyone else, I go to the cinema and watch them or watch them at home on TV, you know the usual. But whenever I watch them, I get drawn into them so much, that I then think that's my life. And I act out the movie, thinking that's my life. It is quite awful. It usually goes something like this...

So someone will recommend a movie or a TV show which they think that I should watch. So out of courtesy, I usually watch it. 

And sometimes, I get drawn into it a bit too much...

And then other stuff happens. For example, I went to go watch The Avengers the other day. And I came out of the movie theater thinking that I was a superhero! 

 I was helping friends cross the road and avoid puddles all in the name of justice! It was really quite embarrassing for them, but I was so into the part that I was oblivious to any embarrassment that it might have caused. I was having the time of my life being a superhero!

In my mind, I was an actual superhero fighting crime over-looking my safe neighborhood. Until reality strikes and I jump off the couch, all ready for taking off in flight when...

I realize that I'm not a superhero after all... and I've just bumped my head.

I also went to  go watch The Hunger Games, and the same thing happened! 

Coming out of the movie theater, I was running around, dodging "arrows", hiding in the bushes! Mind you, it was quite hilarious and fun! 

Until I realize that my shot isn't and will never be as good as Katniss' and I am not in the Hunger Games!

And my furniture gets ruined! And I now I know that I took it a bit too far... Just slightly! 

And my face is like this forever because the next day, I talk to my friend and the conversation goes like this...

Friday, 17 August 2012

"Where have you been?" I hear you ask...

So, if any of you have wondered where I have been all Summer that has stopped me from releasing bundles of virtual joy in the form of blog posts, all shall be explained...

I have been out. I have been away. I have been exploring the world. Being an adventurer... a pioneer...

On my turismo, I found America...

I was in the hot, sweltering sun being a camp counselor. I welcomed the campers to weeks of outdoor fun, a venture to dive into the natural world. Kids indulged in ice-cream and mud fights and slime wars while I joined in with competitive lightening- that's right! I wasn't going down easy. I even have an award-winning dive down the jumping castle slide- that would leave any 6-year-old to shame!

During our weeks we...

Went canoeing in a fast and furious fashion, seriously... I could have been racing Nascars with my canoe! 

Did archery, Katniss has nothing on me! I would savage them all up in the Hunger Games! With the wind flying through my hair, the sunlight glowing on my bow- it shined with a golden glimmer- as I released my fingertips to allow a soaring bow to throttle to the bulls-eye of my target and within a millisecond you have instant respect from the campers. 

We sat by a campfire and in a conventional manner- roasted marshmallows, cooked over the fire, sang songs- all that you would expect with a fire at a summer camp. But nobody mentions the additional watery eyes, battles with the overwhelming smoke-induced cough and getting all your clothes smelling like campfire that comes with the territory of erecting a perfect log-cabin or tepee fire.

I also wrestled bears like a gladiator! That bear didn't know what was coming! 

So, after all the camping fun it was time to return home and now I just don't know what to do with myself! I went from having dozens of people surround me all the time, to sitting in the corner of the room all by myself!

So until I realize what I am doing with my life, I will be sitting like this, in the corner of my room! Frantically waiting for another summer at camp! 

Thursday, 16 August 2012

I am back!

Welcome Back!

I went away. And have been away for a while, I was on adventures that I will disclose shortly, but be not afraid, I am now back! I promise! It's me right here! So welcome back! 

Stay tuned for new blogs because I've had withdrawal symptoms being away so now I am back and will stay back. It's good to see you all again! I've missed you. 

Come back to read new blogs! 

Thursday, 31 May 2012

Still no time for anything fun...

So, I am still very busy to write a good, interesting, funny blog. But I feel bad for not posting. So, before I posted a picture of an orange. I felt that you might have been getting slightly bored of staring at the orange, even though it looked like a really tasty orange! I figured you might have wanted a new picture to stare at before I post a new blog, so here we go... A picture of a sweltering, hot, 'orange' sun!!!


Monday, 21 May 2012

No time for anything fun...

I currently have exams and therefore haven't found the time to publish any recent blogs, which really sucks! But the good news is that I am building up a whole library of ideas for new blogs which will be coming out as soon as my exams decide to leave me alone! So, check back soon to see if I have found the time to do something fun like write a new blog post!

In the meantime, enjoy this picture of an orange... (I like it!)

I was going to upload a sneak preview of a picture from a soon-to-come blog, but then decided that the orange was good enough :)

Enjoy the orange!

Sunday, 13 May 2012

Picture of a public toilet!

So, I drew a picture of a public toilet which I really like. I really think it captures the essence of a public toilet (that you don't want to use). But I couldn't think of a story to go with it, so I just decided to post the picture... So, here it is:

I think that looks like a really gross public toilet. And then when I thought of using a public toilet like that... my face was all:

So, there it is. My pretty amazing picture of a public toilet...

That is all. 

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Gym... it's a crazy place.

The other day, I went to the gym like I normally do and while I was working out I was looking at other who decided to workout too. Like most other girls, I would change too many things about the way I look; but as I was looking around the gym, I noticed that I wasn't the only one glancing around...

I guess we are all the same...